Natterings of a Woman in STEM
I killed a man.
I confessed to my husband immediately. He called me murderer.
When my youngest son heard about it, he said Mom in a chastising tone.
Sadly, there is no family support in an hour of crisis.
(Note: My hubby should have called me murderess because, when it comes to homicide, the feminine is more dramatic than the masculine.)
The truth is, I don’t deserve criticism for killing that man. I merely decided he should die, and I made it happen. I know my actions were premeditated, but that doesn’t make it murder.
I feel no remorse because it was a necessary act. And I did the deed in the kindest way possible. The victim was unconscious for the entire time and I made sure he bled out quickly.
It was a messy business, but I have no blood on my hands. I’m too fastidious for that. I will not emulate Lady McBeth; only Covid 19 makes me wash my hands repeatedly.
I don’t really understand why my family was discommoded by a matter so ordinary. I gave a man life; I took it away. In the world of fiction writing, I am omnipotent. I exercise justice, or put aside fairness, on a whim. I am the master (mistress) of all life. And at the time of my choosing, I can eliminate a person with a few taps of my fingers.
For a woman who claims to write romances, I kill off an excessive number of characters. What does this reveal about my personality? Too much I expect. Does the idea of romance make me murderous? Watch out, husband!
Have I ever killed ruthlessly, in real life?
Yes, and pregnancy made me do it. It is, after all, a state that pushes many women to the edge.
In a mad fit of responsibility, I refused to handle chemicals. (My baby was not going to be born glowing green.) So, when ants invaded my garden, I improvised with a kettle of boiling water, scalding and drowning a whole community of individuals in one fell swoop. I was delighted with the result! I had found a way to kill that was non-toxic and gentle to the environment. I have been killing in this fantastic manner ever since.
Despite the necessary termination of one of my characters, my third book is still incomplete. With a bit of luck, the protagonist and the hero (two separate individuals) will sort themselves out by the end of the year. If they don’t, I might be tempted to do something I’ll regret…
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