Non-Toxic Masculinity

We hear so much today about toxic masculinity, I thought I would balance that trend with a tale of nurturing masculinity.

Last month, my eldest son spent his ASU spring break helping his father in providing cancer care to his mother. The following week, my youngest spent his WSU spring break doing the same. (Needless to say, this is not every young man’s idea of recreation.)

My husband needed help because in recent months, he has added a number of new roles to his usual portfolio, including:

• Nurse
• Case Manager
• Medical transport
• Medical billing specialist
• Pharmacy technician
• Oxygen concentrator technician (this is his favorite role)
• Nutritionist (sort of)
• Sole housekeeper (including dealing with the peculiar needs of someone with respiratory troubles).
• Purchasing agent (shopping for women’s clothing blew his mind)

Through all of this, he maintained his usual roles of husband, father, son, in-law, employee, financial manager, gardener, etc. In addition, for the better part of a month, for him, WFH meant Work From Hospital.

As for myself, I don’t normally use The Numerate Ninny blog as a means to update people on my personal status. However, I know that we have not reached everyone we care about through slower, conventional means of communication. We have had little energy and time for correspondence. So, I am using this blog for simple convenience.

In February, I received a diagnosis of lung cancer. And the first question that pops into everyone’s mind is: “Are you a smoker?” I have never smoked. The next question is about my work history. Although I have been exposed to various suspect chemicals over the years, the nature of my job as a consultant means I spent only a few days in each environment. Yes, one week, I would be in a woodworking environment. The next week, I would be in a yard with diesel engines. The following week, I would be in an environment with vapors or fine dusts. However, I always adhered to the PPE requirements of the facility I was visiting. And although respiratory protection is almost always the first PPE rule to be ignored by employees, as a visitor, I adopted it religiously. In conclusion, it seems my cancer is random. Treatment is ongoing.

And that brings me back to my husband, Timothy Burchett, who had to take responsibility for a human being who quickly went from having the capabilities of an adult to having the capabilities of a small child. He rose to the challenge and reminded us that most men are not toxic but caring. I simply do not know what I would have done without him.

In a similar vein, my sons also stepped up to take care of mother. It must have seemed backwards to them, I am sure. Mothers are supposed to take care of their sons. Aren’t they?

I would also like to thank my husband’s colleagues at Starr Companies, who tolerated frequent changes to their scheduled meetings to accommodate my medical needs. They also assumed additional duties to help Tim out.

Needless to say, my own fledgling company’s activities are in abeyance and likely to stay that way.